Mommy Stress, Now and 20 Years Ago

Parenting magazine’s 20th anniversary survey was covered by the Today Show and commented on by bloggers.

The statistic that struck me: 96% of women believe that they are more stressed than moms were 20 years ago.

As a new mom 20 years ago, I was stressed. Tradition disappeared in the 80s. How to eat, exercise, parent, partner, work, on and on. I was running to keep up. At one point my husband and I almost divorced because of it. But by the time the kids were 5 and 7, I had it reasonably together.

My mom had different stresses—dentures at 40 and heart disease meant death, drunk driving deaths were “accidents,” and abuse was a private character fault. But she knew what to do in her life. She knew her role and she followed the rules.

Now it’s all happening faster. Schools and work are less stable. Standards of perfection are much higher.

Under it all is a lack of support for and understanding of the chaotic inner experience of being hit with mommihood. The work of it all. The massive demands. The normal but not well understood or described breakdown of sense of self and connection with others that happens periodically throughout life but is particularly distressing at this time, when responsibility for others is so great.

It’s life as a design space. We’re all winging it. In Men Are Easy, after 20+ years of research, I spell out the basics for life in this new world.

As I watch my 26-year-old daughter and as I read the blogs, I’m encouraged. Smart women everywhere are getting it right!