When Life Sucks

Sometimes nothing’s right.

Work is wrong. Love is messed up or nonexistent. Life is not what it’s supposed to be.

You might be in a college that you thought was right for you, finding that nothing is right anymore. You don’t know your major. You don’t know who you are anymore, and no one else does either.

You might be out of college, well-into the working world, doing a job that you thought you’d love, but finding it’s harder and more stressful than it should be. You feel like you’re watching your miserable life stretch out before you.

You might be having babies, slammed with doing it all, and feeling that your man and your career aren’t at all what you want anymore. Suddenly, they no longer fit your values or your priorities — whatever they are.

Or maybe the kids have flown, your money is not at all where you’d hoped it would be, and your relationship no longer feeds you.

It’s transition time again. Once so sure of yourself, you’re stumbling around like an adolescent. You’re supposed to be an adult, a pillar of the community, together and smart like everyone else seems to be, but you feel lost and unsure.
Here’s my take on it:

1. This is a good thing.
2. So what if you don’t know yourself? Your “self” is growing. Losing track of yourself is part of living life. It’s these changes in our thought processes that define who we are — and who we will be.
3. Stop volunteering. Focus on yourself first.
4. Welcome chaos.
5. Step back from fear.
6. You’re changing your relationships to your relationships.
7. Forgive everyone. You begin to see that everyone’s on a continuum of struggle. Everyone’s doing the best he or she can.
8. Add joy. Do simple things to make your day good. Take a bath instead of a shower. Put on music. Clean out a closet. Play with your child. Pack dinner up and take it to a park.
9. If you’ve mixed drugs and/or alcohol into this, get help.

Remember, nothing in life is more true or real than change. It WILL happen. Change is life, crisis is part of all change, and sometimes it can suck.

Play with it.

Explore the opportunities. True, change is not for sissies, but the result can be a great gift — perhaps a life you’ve never imagined. Take it in stride, and use this time to learn more about your self.

For more thoughts, see Chapter 9: “When It All Goes Wrong”