The Danger of Counseling

It’s raining and it’s so dark that I have lights on in the afternoon. Weird in Hawaii!  I drank hot jasmine tea and have a great working buzz going.
I’m reminded of a story that I’ve been using a lot recently that was one of the inspirations for Men Are Easy:

For a while, twenty-five years ago, every Saturday morning, my husband and I argued. I would cry. By noon it was over and we both forgot about it until it happened again the next week.  One Saturday the arguing seemed particularly vicious. In a moment of clarity, I said, “This is it. We have to go to counseling.”

It seemed to be the smart thing. Nip this in the bud before it gets worse.

Then I had a flash of insight. From Monday through Friday my husband drank 3 to 4 cups of strong coffee. I don’t drink coffee. He’s an addict. I fixed him a cup and the fighting disappeared.

The frightening thought is that I could have forced us into counseling. I would have been doing the “right” and “responsible” thing. I would have insisted on exploring he said/I said and unearthing our past faults and family horrors, and  he would have been “in denial” about anything being wrong.

I would have appeared to be right and he would have been made all wrong.

I wonder. . . Would we still be together today?