A Change Manifesto for Marriage

I keep thinking about writing a change manifesto for changethis.com.

Something about marriage. About committing to the design of a great life rather than to an institution. About how marriage is something that you do, that you are creating in the moment, not a thing that is good or bad and that needs to be fixed.

Something about how  it’s not how much you know when you go into it, but how open you are to learning. How it takes fearlessness. How it’s not about compromise as much as it is about taking on different realities. How it grows you and you grow it. How marriage is a complex system formed from two complex systems and exhibits the processes, all of the beauty and messes, of every complex evolving system in nature. How, when it all goes wrong, often it isn’t a problem of distance–It’s a problem of being too close, too bonded to see and to grow. How stepping back from it can feel like breaking the bonds but it’s what you have to do to get it right.  About how one little shift from one of you can change everything and big emotionall-charged attempts will change nothing. About how real growth can involve breakdown and chaos before the emergence to the next level. How it can involve risking everything–all that you’ve built together.

Marriage is a learning space and a design space for life. It’s a space to come in to, lick one’s wounds, and go out from again. But also a place where you can practice all of the skills you’re going to need on the outside with someone who is on your side–or not. It’s a space to learn what love and family and life really is and can be.

Why is this important?  The processes of the complex system of marriage are the same processes in family, community, nations, the world.

This kind of marriage is complex but it’s exciting. With a few basic ideas in place, marriage becomes the very best game going.

I think that I will write this proposal for a manifesto. Any thoughts?