Category Archive for Life Coaching

I woke up to an email from Nanette, my publicist. Our article, Home for the Holidays Stress Free, is a full feature, not just a feed, in Yahoo! News. Now that’s good.
So I thought, “Who am I going to email it to?” I thought of busymom.net (Better Parenting through Coffee) and checked out her blog and read about revealing boobs and then read a Fox News story that revealed two boobs, laughed through the next three entries, and then had to stop and get to work again.
Yesterday Chris at Greenleaf Book Group called to tell me that Men Are Easy is on its way. I had to decide on how many to ship to myself. Wow! Months before the pub date–March 1 in the stores–I’ll have it here locally. And who knows? Oprah’s people visit here in the winter. Maybe someone will see it. Maybe that person will think it’s the greatest thing since whatever. . .wait. . .Maybe I should just see if anyone who doesn’t know and love me all actually pays money for it. . .
Or maybe I should forget it all and focus. The list. The Christmas list. I haven’t started yet. I’m going to be with all the men on Christmas Eve, a little frantic, guilty, and helpless, racing through Macy’s, then up all night wrapping. But I think that I like this system. It’s kind of freeing. Maybe the guys have it right.

Whether hosting or visiting friends, mom and/or dad, or the in-laws, being under the same roof with others for a day or more is a big deal. Especially after the usual holiday frenzy and stress of working, partying, shopping, wrapping, and packing.

I’m used to lots of time alone for work and writing. The kids are coming home and that time will shrink. It’s time to deck the halls, jingle the bells, and be joyful and triumphant but moods cycle up and down during short days and long visits, with people coming from work deadlines and travel and from different timezones.

I’ve found that taking care of myself and focusing on others pulls me out of downward cycles and helps me to fulfill the promise of the season.

Here’s my top 10 hints for making home for the holidays jolly : Read the rest »

Here’s advice from Men Are Easy that I wish someone had given me 30 years ago:

1. Most problems will work themselves out anyway.
When you’re hungry, tired, stressed, and/or hormonal, life is full of problems. 90% of problems go away when you get it together.

2. He’ll try to avoid it.
You say, ‘We have to talk’ His first response is, “Uh oh, I’m out of here.” If he stays and listens, he’ll do so under duress, not because he’s eager to hear more complaints, and then…

3. He’ll unintentionally sabotage it.
A man will try to solve your problems (How dare he?!) when you need to communicate how you feel. Men are so insensitive when you’re upset. Read the rest »

Stanley Fish’s description of marital quarrels was inspired by the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills breakup and his own life. How spats start: Out of nowhere. Any time. From nothing. How they spiral: Exponentially. Hope for peace in the future: None. They’re inevitable.

I agree. But you can also get some fun out of them.

I responded with this:

Oh, yes. The downward spiral into the mess. It happens when you least expect it. It’s called a reinforcing feedback loop in the complex systems world.

The best people fall into it, expecially when tired, hormonal, or hungover. Throw in before coffee/after coffee low blood sugar. It’s the classic butterfly effect, where small initial conditions create big outcomes. Read the rest »

work on your relationship –> play with possibility

fix your relationship –> design your life

change is difficult –> change is continual

a problem to work on –> a design opportunity

solve problems –> eliminate problems

a bad marriage –> a poorly designed life

compromise –> create

must be on the same page –> difference required for design

chaos as breakdown/death –> chaos as breakdown/evolution

get serious –> lighten up

love is scarce –> love is available, now

love must be earned –> love is free

“mature” love –> love is love

you have to heal first –> love heals

trust reason –> in fear and anger, reason distorts

emotions can’t be trusted –> emotions are a guidance system