Category Archive for Parenting

Whether hosting or visiting friends, mom and/or dad, or the in-laws, being under the same roof with others for a day or more is a big deal. Especially after the usual holiday frenzy and stress of working, partying, shopping, wrapping, and packing.

I’m used to lots of time alone for work and writing. The kids are coming home and that time will shrink. It’s time to deck the halls, jingle the bells, and be joyful and triumphant but moods cycle up and down during short days and long visits, with people coming from work deadlines and travel and from different timezones.

I’ve found that taking care of myself and focusing on others pulls me out of downward cycles and helps me to fulfill the promise of the season.

Here’s my top 10 hints for making home for the holidays jolly : Read the rest »

My heart went out to comment #5 on Judith Warner’s NY Times blog, “The Most Troubled Moms”:

“I am on the cusp of starting a family and I just received a professional degree I worked through most of my 20s to get. My husband makes a good salary (though not stratospheric) and I like my job. But, I have NO role models on how to sustain myself personally and professionally after I have a baby. My mother and aunt tell me to stay home, my friends are just as confused, and the working moms I know are torn and exhausted. I’m the exact type of person that you write about Judith, and I am lost. But, my husband and I are committed to making our marriage the center of our family, not our kids. We are working hard as married adults without kids to not overcommit to everything, to leave work on time and come home and be with each other. To pursue the things that sustain us. It’s the only place I know where to start. But I’d love to hear what other women do to sustain themselves.”

I’M PUTTING THIS OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE: READ MY BOOK! I WROTE IT FOR YOU! IT WILL HELP!

Now I’m motivated. I will announce my blog to my friends by Thursday this week. I will do everything I can to get to this young woman, wherever she is.

My response to Leslie Madsen Brooks’ question of what to do about school violence:

I divide the school ground into two groups: the bullies and the bullied and everyone else. In second grade my son was small with rheumatoid arthritis. He couldn’t be knocked around. He learned to be part of “everyone else.” People can learn not to live in the Read the rest »

In her NY Times blog, Judith Warner describes the problem of “experts” in parenting. The conflicting findings. How the personalities of the researchers effect the outcomes. In the end saying that we have to trust ourselves.

My comment:
Tradition has evaporated. We’re reinventing everything from scratch. How to eat, exercise, partner, parent, work, spend, contribute, worship, on and on. We are deluged with information from “experts.” We find that we aren’t smart enough, sane enough, beautiful enough, organized enough, wealthy enough, or working hard enough.

Life without traditional roles and rules requires that we design it as we go. It requires a higher level of cognitive functioning and a certain set of skills. But where’s the curriculum? Who’s qualified to develop and teach it? Our parents? Our expensive universities? Our therapists?

Life is chaotic. Parents are unsupported. Children suffer in poorly designed lives.

The good news is that life in the design space suites us. The skills aren’t all that difficult. It’s a matter of understanding the basics of creating life in the moment, on the run. Now that I’m 55, I’ve raised my children, and I finally have the time to explore all of this in my new blog and book.

If you don’t have the outrageous $5-$10/hour (Didn’t I charge 50 cents?) for a babysitter and you don’t want toÂ� be driven out of your own home for some time together, do what we used to do.When our youngest was weaned, we traded weekends every month with friends who had children the same age. One weekend every two months we had four young children who entertained each other and we ate carrot sticks, apple slices, and macaroni and cheese. One weekend every two months we had no children at all from Friday afternoon through Sunday evening. No volunteer activities, no commitments with friends, and no shopping trips allowed.

It took me a few hours to slow down. Usually Friday night was a wash. But then we both got into it. For two days, we ate whenever we surfaced from whatever lovely thing we wanted to do. I’d hear their little voices while in the shower and panic, until I’d realize that it was an illusion. The house stayed the same all day. I’d do my toenails. We’d run around naked. Heaven.

It worked for years until we were confronted with conflicting soccer games, scout outings, and gym practices on Saturday morning. But, for a brief few years, it was a great design.